How does Lou Holtz have a career?

It's Saturday and I'm watching "College Game Day," which brings to mind the same question I have every week:  Why is Lou Holtz on TV?  How did he succed as a coach?  How does anyone take him seriously?  Why is he on ESPN?  I don't understand. Every time I hear him talk I think it's a joke.  But it's not.  The man can't speak, yet somehow he's a professional sports commentator on television.  And before that he was the coach of Notre Dame.  How did his players not just laugh at him all the time?  It makes no sense.

If Lou Holtz can be a television football commentator I should be able to review TV commercials for a living.  It's only fair.

I hate the espn "sports science" features

I feel like I've been seeing these on Sportscenter more and more lately.  Every time they come on I am immediately reminded of "Bill Nye The Science Guy."  The way the narrator talks makes me think his target audience is young children watching Nickelodeon on a Saturday morning.  If you haven't seen any of them yet, here's an example:

So let me get this straight: if you spread the floor, move the ball around, and find the open man, it's easier to score?  Wow.

There were two baseball related "Sports Science" features in the past few weeks that practically made me nauseous.  I literally spent an hour just now searching for them online, but couldn't find any evidence of either.  I promise they exist though, and ESPN ran both of them on Sportscenter.  The first was about home runs.  I even know that it aired on October 19, because it was so terrible that I made a note right away to try and find it on youtube.  It used a bunch of numbers and floating graphics to say that home runs are caused by greater bat speed and hitting the ball at a higher angle.  The second aired during the World Series in St. Louis, and it was about the effect that cold weather has on the game.  The conclusion was that lower temperatures make the players hands cold, and that makes it harder for them to hit and field.  And also that when the ball is colder it doesn't travel as far.  Thanks Mr. Wizard.  Thanks a lot.

I think "Saved By The Bell" may be my new insomniac television

Since I work late at night I tend to stay up WAY beyond what is generally considered normal, or even acceptable hours.  This past Saturday I was lying in bed with a case of insomnia, flipping through the guide on my TV, when I stumbled upon a great find: "Saved by the Bell" on TBS.  Now I have a terrible habit of watching whatever show or movie is on in it's entirety and not falling asleep, unless it's something I've already seen before.  As soon as I saw "S B the B" I knew it was the perfect thing to put on because I've seen them all, probably several times each.  I ended up dozing off about two-thirds of the way through the episode.  It was after Zack had come up with his crazy scheme, and sometime during the process of the rest of the gang figuring it out, but before they had decided to get him back by "teaching him a lesson he'll never forget" (I really hope most people reading this got that joke just now, because I think it was a pretty damn good line).

I'd thought TBS had stopped airing the show's reruns a long time ago, but I checked their website and discovered that Zack, Screech, Slater, Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa are still on TV every Sunday morning; 4 episodes in a row from 6-8 am.  I just set my DVR to "record series" in order to make sure I have a bunch on file for next time I need some quality television to fall asleep to.

There is NO way anybody actually makes $$$ with "google AdSense"

I signed up for google's blogger advertising system "AdSense" a few months ago.  The way it works is google puts up a few ads on the side of the page that they deem appropriate for my readers.  Then they pay me based on viewership.  Now I'm not saying that my page is that amazing or anything, or that there aren't tons of other blogs out there that get way more hits each day.  But dating back to mid-summer, I have made exactly 11 cents.  Total.  That averages out to about .01 cents a day.  So in order for me to even make $10 a day, this blog would have to become about 10,000 times more popular.  One thing I can say for sure is that if I start getting 10,000 times the daily traffic I do now, the last thing I'm going to care about is the ten bucks a day I get from google "AdSense."

So rather than rely on that, I'm going to try to do it on my own.  If you're reading this and think you might want to ADVERTISE ON MY BLOG, email me at mvandeu328@gmail.com and we'll talk.  It'll probably be the best money you've ever spent.

The Best Halloween Costume I Saw This Weekend

This wins hands down. Ray Allen's mom.  Now I know it doesn't look like much, but it was the best for 2 reasons: One, originality. And two, authenticity.  Maybe I'm partial to this costume because I've sat a few rows behind Mrs. Allen at Celtics games for the past several years.  But still, this girl absolutely killed it.  I mean this is perfect.  Fake died semi-blond short hair, check.  Big hoop earings, check.  Necklace hanging down slightly over the shirt, check.  Sparkly jersey, check.  Long sleeve white undershirt, check.  Light blue jeans, check.  This chick nailed it to a "T."

And for the record, I'm not a big Halloween guy.  More often than not I wait till the last minute, or never even bother to come up with a costume.  But one of these years I'm going to plan ahead and put some effort into it.  And I already know what it is:  Marty McFly from Back To The Future 2.  Hoverboard included.

Introducing the "Tebometer"

It's a Tebow-Meter, but it's pronounced teh-bah-meh-ter.  Like thermometer.  A few weeks ago when the Broncos announced that Tim Tebow would be their starting quarterback my snap analysis was that he probably wouldn't be any good because his career completion rate was under 50%.  At the time he had completed 45 of 92 passes in the NFL.  Well, after back to back 13-27 and 18-39 performances, his grand total now stands at 76-158, which checks in at 48.1%.  I've decided to track his quest to become a career 50% passer; hence the creation of the "Tebometer."

Now here's where it gets interesting: the AVERAGE completion rate in the NFL is about 60%.  No, Tebow's mission is not one of attempted mediocrity or respectability.  It is one of avoiding sheer atrocity.  I'm equating it to being below the dreaded Mendoza Line in baseball (having a batting average of less than .200), which is a terrible dark and lonely place that haunts players dreams and keeps them up at night.  Good luck next week Timmy.

Oh, and for anyone who's been reading my blog for a while, at the moment Tebow has passed Favre on my list and is gaining ground on Lebron.

Recycle Sunday 3.0: Timeless non-sports-related blogs

I haven't done this in a while and it feels like I'm about due.  Also It's something easy I can work on while giving most of my attention to the Pats-Steelers game.

- CVS does some pretty sneaky things.

- One of my lasting summer 2011 memories will be this beer can.

- Pucker has created a vodka marketed for children.

- What's the deal with girls carrying bags on their elbows?

- Asking joggers for directions is NOT cool.

- Carrying umbrellas on crowded sidewalks is selfish and inconsiderate.

- The best game of all time for the original Nintendo.

- People do strange things when a storm is on the way.

- Help me decide on a LucidSportsFan Logo.

- Do you remember how awesome the "Ground Round" used to be?

- The top 5 competitive disadvantages for a lefty kid.

- I have an affinity for all things grapefruit.