PSA: "Low calorie" alcohol does not exist (sorry Keel vodka)

Make sure to read the
fine print: "23.8% alc/vol"

A little while back my bar started carrying Keel vodka.  You may have seen it advertised while watching the Celtics, Red Sox or Bruins.  Its website calls it a "premium light spirit."  Their shtick is that it contains just 58 calories per 1.5 oz serving (standard shot size), while average vodkas like Grey Goose, Ketel One, and Stoli have roughly 103 calories per serving.  Wow!  That's amazing, right?

Nope.  Keel vodka is 23.8% alcohol by volume.  Standard vodkas (or any spirits for that matter) are 40% alcohol.  So while Keel may have roughly 60% of the calories of other vodkas, it also consists of just 60% of the alcohol.

Rather than buying a bottle of Keel (or any other "light" liquors, I hate to pick on just them) here's my recommendation:

Purchase something like Stoli instead for basically the same price.  Invite me over.  I'll drink 2/5ths of it, then fill the bottle up with water for you.  Voila, you'll have the same thing!  Back when you were in high school your parents were probably drinking Keel from their liquor cabinet without even knowing!

Another option if you'd like to save yourself some money, just mix your vodka-tonics with about an ounce of something else rather than 1.5 oz of Keel.  Your drinks will taste the same, you'll still get an equal buzz, and you're bottle will last 40% longer!


RELATED: Public Service Announcement about "Skinny Girl" drinks


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Friday night twitter roundup: Paul Pierce scores his 25,000th point, Grady Sizemore goes yard, Celtics hurt their lottery chances despite disappointing Sully's dad

I was up way too late last night working on a Bleacher Report article Playing Patience or Panic on the Boston Red Sox's 5 Worst Early Slumps.  Now I'm beat and lacking on brilliant ideas, so I'm just going to share some of the highlights from the Boston-centric sporting world this evening.

Paul Pierce became only the 18th player in NBA history to score 25,000 career points:

Welcome to the 25,000 points club, @paulpierce34! #theTruth pic.twitter.com/eUjWiqoegx
— NBA (@NBA) April 12, 2014

Grady Sizemore crushed his second home run as a member of the Red Sox, beating CC Sabathia and the Yankees:

40/40 or bust!!! https://t.co/2gOyuCEOoM
— John Feitelberg (@JFeitelberg) April 12, 2014

And the Celtics hung on for a draft lottery odds defying victory over the Bobcats, despite a questionable late three-point attempt from Jared Sullinger that really seemed to annoy his father:

#CelticsTalk I agree Tommy, starting with Jared's early in shot clock three attempt. Time to milk clock n mismatch on floor. IQ
— satch sullinger (@satchsullinger) April 12, 2014

@LucidSportsFan Can't ground him if he isn't playing for me because I know what I've taught. Situation coaching is paramount in coaching
— satch sullinger (@satchsullinger) April 12, 2014

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Sizemometer update: Red Sox visit Yankees, Grady Sizemore is in a dead heat with Jacoby Ellsbury

Click to enlarge

After Grady Sizemore's dramatic Opening Day, I decided to start comparing the production of the Red Sox current bargain-basement reclamation project center fielder to those of the Yankees' $21 million guy who used to play for Boston.

As the 4-5 Red Sox open a series in New York tonight with the 4-5 Yankees, both Sizemore and Jacoby Ellsbury are batting exactly .364 on the season.

The above chart, aka the Sizemometer, represents the fantasy points accumulated by each player, with 1 point awarded for a single, run, RBI, walk, hit by pitch, and steal, 2 points for a double, 3 for a triple, and 4 for a home run.

While Ellsbury has outscored Sizemore 28-21 so far, he's done it by starting 8 games to Sizemore's 6 (they've each entered one contest without getting an at-bat); giving them identical 3.5 points per game averages.

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Can you order custom-made genetically bred dogs online yet?

The way science and technology are going, there will come a time when parents are able to choose what they want their children to look like.  Maybe they'll just go to the doctor and fill out a form, checking off boxes for all the traits that they want included in their kid's genetic makeup.

I think this tiger-dog is fake, but I'm not sure...

But long before we get to that creepy Orwellian state of humanity, the same thing is going to happen with dogs.  And if it's not available yet, my guess is it will be very soon.

I'm envisioning a website that you click on, describe what you want your dog to be, charge your credit card, and three months later a puppy is delivered to your doorstep.

Honestly I'm not even sure if there are really any new moral/ethical issues being brought into play here.  The dog is a human invention anyway.

A long long time ago there were wolves.  People bred different sizes and shapes of them together in order to suit their own needs.  After thousands and thousands of years of this, every type of dog that currently exists on the planet today is a product of what we've done.  What I discussed above is just a much faster means to the same end.


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Rex Chapman did an impressive job at thrusting himself back into the limelight

Shortly before last night's NCAA title game, former Wildcat player and current broadcaster Rex Chapman sent out a tweet claiming Kentucky head coach John Calipari would be leaving to take the job with the NBA's LA Lakers.  After losing the championship, Calipari was forced to address the matter in the postgame press conference.  He vehemently denied it, as have the Lakers.  Here's my story for Celtics Life, including Chapman's tweet and quotes from Calipari.

I remember two things about Rex Chapman: He became the first Charlotte Hornet ever when the expansion team drafted him in 1988, and he always wore short shorts with long spandex underneath.  But I honestly don't believe I'd heard his name mentioned once since he lost to Dee Brown in the 1991 slam dunk contest (watch the video, it's spectacular).

So kudos Rex Chapman for a perfectly timed and well executed use of twitter to make yourself momentarily famous again two decades after everybody forgot about you.

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NCAA title game inspired Awesome Old Song of the Week: "Nobody Knows" by the Tony Rich Project

I've written on multiple occasions that the best advice I could give to anyone filling out NCAA tourney brackets is that nobody knows what's going to happen.  Certainly not the "experts" on TV.

In 2011 you could have won your pool by picking strictly based on what breed of dogs you like.  When Butler made it back to the championship game for a second consecutive season that year (as a #8 seed), I called it maybe the most amazing thing in sports history.  Even 3rd-seeded UConn winning that title was shocking in it's own right; the Huskies had finished the regular season in a three-way tie for 9th place in the Big East.

Now Connecticut is back on another improbable run, this time as a #7 seed.  In the history of the tournament, only two schools had ever previously reached the final game as a 7th seed or lower.  One is the aforementioned 2011 Butler squad.  The other is Ed Pinckney's 1985 Villanova club (a #8) that upset Patrick Ewing and Georgetown in one of the most famous college basketball games of all-time (pictured).

 Somehow this year both finalists fit that description, with Kentucky being a #8 seed.  It's impossible to predict this stuff; nobody knows what's going to happen.  From 1996:





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Celtics Tankometer skyrockets as the season nears its end

The Celtics own the longest current losing streak in the league at eight games.  They've dropped 13 of their last 14, with five of those coming during the past week.  A pair of defeats to the Bulls, and even a halfhearted blowout in Washington were not that unexpected.  But a nine-point home loss to the 76ers was downright shocking.

For the last two months Philly has been one of the worst teams in NBA history.  Boston was actually favored by double-digits in that game, the first time they hadn't been underdogs since late February.  Rajon Rondo even posted his first triple-double of the season.  And somehow they still lost.

In an episode of Celtics Life Live last week, I mentioned that I am slightly worried as to why this team isn't better than they are.  I assumed Rondo's return was going to make them a half-decent ball club, and that hasn't even come close to happening.  Friday's debacle epitomized those fears.

Despite my concerns for the future, a worse record is clearly advantageous in the present.  On Saturday the C's managed to fall in Detroit, even though they held a 19-point lead in the 3rd quarter.  All of this adds up to a gigantic 15% spike on the Tankometer, rising from 62% a week ago.

The good news is that with just five games remaining Boston (23-54) has built an enormous two-game cushion on the Lakers (25-52), and has also pulled one ahead of the Jazz (24-53) for the 4th worst record in the NBA.  The Celtics are also now within one game of Orlando (22-55) for the #3 spot in the lottery standings, something I never even considered a possibility.

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