What do you make of this headline?

I follow The Onion on Twitter, and when I first saw this headline I honestly 100-percent thought it was one of theirs--certainly not Sports Illustrated's:

Derrick Rose has been experiencing double vision when he opens both of his eyes http://t.co/zBt201pzun pic.twitter.com/MF9DYFCUmB

— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) October 16, 2015

That's like saying "Derrick Rose has been scoring more points when he shoots the ball in the basket."  Isn't the "opens both of his eyes" part a given?  I'm fairly certain that's the standard method most people choose to employ for sight.  Do you know anybody who walks around looking at things with one eye?  Is it even possible to have double vision in a single eye?

Memo to SI, "Derrick Rose has been experiencing double vision" is pretty straightforward.  There's no need for further explanation of how many eyes are involved.  The crazy thing is, the entire first paragraph of the story (linked in the above tweet) continues in an Onion-esque manner:

"Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose said that he has been experiencing double vision when he opens both of his eyes, reports K.C. Johnson of the Chicago Tribune. Rose added that he feels he could play with only one eye open."

Not a joke.  Wow.


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What's the longest you've ever had the cable guy stay at your house for?

So when you make the cable appointment, you have options like "between nine and twelve" or "from noon to four."  Apparently, sometimes that actually means "from noon until four" (or beyond).

Yesterday, I had a 12-4 appointment.  The guy came at 9:45 a.m., but whatever, I figured it'd be nice to get it out of the way early.

By noon he hadn't solved the problem--in fact, it had gotten much worse.  He left, then came back at 3:30.  When 6:30 rolled around it looked like a bomb went off in the apartment.  Finally, at 9:45 p.m., 12 hours after he arrived, he gave up and went home.

Nothing is fixed.

And for the record, I don't blame the guy--Lou, he has a name, I feel like I know him well now--he tried every possible trick in the book, including running a test wire out the window and 200 feet down the block.  I blame all his superiors at Comcast who refused to believe him when he kept telling them it was an issue on their end.

You know how when you call the cable company and they ask you questions like "Are the wires plugged in?" and you want to scream back "Yes, I'm not a moron, I checked that!"?  Well, that's basically what happened to Lou for six hours...


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Winter hats for "style" in summer weather are maybe the dumbest thing ever

I took this photo last month of somebody waiting for the bus.  It was 84 degrees out that day, in the shade.  I can't even imagine how hot and uncomfortable she must have been standing there with the sun beating down on her:

To be honest though, I hate to throw this girl under the bus--this is more of a guy issue.


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Because I haven't written about Tom Brady's stats yet this season...

A few numbers for though as Tom Brady and the Patriots' second eff-you tour (the first being the post-Spygate 16-0 season in 2007) head back to the "scene of the crime" in Indianapolis:

• Brady leads the NFL with a 121.5 passer rating.
• He's also first with an average of 347 passing yards per game, 21 more than Drew Brees' 326.
• Brady is 116-for-160, his 72.5 completion percentage is the highest of any quarterback to throw more than 67 passes.
• His 11 touchdown passes are tied for third, but Aaron Rodgers (13), Carson Palmer (13) and Andy Dalton have all played one more game than him.  Brady's average of 2.75 TD passes per game is No. 1 in the league.
• Brady is the only regular starting QB in the NFL who hasn't been intercepted.  All other QBs in the league who have yet to throw an interception have tossed just four TD passes combined.

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ESPN all-sports rankings: Memphis Grizzlies 2nd, Tampa Bay Lightning 3rd, New England Patriots 25th???

ESPN just released a comprehensive ranking of every team in the four major U.S. pro sports.  The San Antonio Spurs top the list, while the Toronto Maple Leafs are dead last at No. 122.  Boston's franchises check in with the Patriots 25th, the Celtics 57th, the Bruins 93rd and the Red Sox 100th.

The Grizzlies managed to reach the No. 2 spot in large part due to their low ticket prices.  The Lightning were able to grab the No. 3 position because of their great "fan relations."  So how are the Patriots, who I expect would be widely assumed to contend for No. 1, ranked 25th?  Their tickets cost a lot and traffic at the stadium is terrible.

Hmm... Maybe ESPN didn't get its priorities quite right?  The explanation of the system used states that 25 percent of the formula is based on "fan relations," with "affordability" accounting for 11.3 percent.  The problem is, a large amount of the data came from what was important to fans who responded to an online poll.

Well guess what ESPN, the type of person who wants to respond to an online poll is the same type of person who is interested in "fan relations" and cheap ticket prices.  That's not the typical sports fan who likes to sit on the couch, drink a beer and watch his team demolish opponents.


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Awesome Old Song of the Week: "The Freshmen" by The Verve Pipe

The Verve Pipe's one and only hit single became popular during the second semester of my sophomore year of college, so I probably didn't like it quite as much as I would have had it been releases a year earlier.

The Freshmen is a pretty morbid song with some fairly disturbing lyrics, but I never really listened to the words much--it sounded good to me.  According the Wikipedia, the lead singer wrote it over the guilt he felt from an ex-girlfriend committing suicide.  The Freshman was also originally part of the band's first album five years earlier, 1992's I've Suffered a Head Injury.

This may me the most depressing blog I've ever written.  Oh well, I guess it had to happen sometime...



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Chase Utley was out. It's insane MLB got that wrong. Here's why:

Last night the Dodgers beat the Mets because of this play, which MLB clearly butchered:

#GottaSeeIt: Chase Utley injures #Mets shortstop Ruben Tejada with a hard slide into second base. http://t.co/I6vk8n77QD #Postseason

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) October 11, 2015

Regardless of how dirty or not Chase Utley's leg-breaking slide was, all common sense suggests he was out.  He was originally called out, but the replay review overturned the ruling when it was clear Ruben Tejada's foot missed the base.  The thing is, Utley didn't make contact with the bag either.

The explanation for reversing the decision is that Utley failed to touch the base because he was called out, so it doesn't matter.  Unfortunately, there's one huge problem with that logic--if Utley was originally deemed safe, Tejada would've tagged him out immediately after he "slid" past the bag (see picture below).

It's a catch-22, and MLB clearly blew it.  Everybody in the world new Utley was out, yet somehow he wasn't...

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